the luxury of silence

What do you enjoy doing most in your leisure time?

What is “leisure time”? The absolute beauty of my life is that it is filled with the luxury of silence. Not silence in the absence of noise. But silence is a personal choice to be in the presence of Jesus. So everything I do is done in the presence of Jesus – in the luxury of silence.

The solitary life – however it is defined – is about that luxury. It is the presence of Jesus.

existence?

He who created us without our help will not save us without our consent.

Augustine of Hippo

I struggle with feeling I need to justify my existence. In the process, I give power to other people – other people influence and change the way I act and the choices I make.

God, who created me, has made a choice for me to exist. That is love. No justification (of my existence) is needed!

crisis 1

I know this will be the first of many but, yes, crisis time: what on earth am I doing here? It has only taken 96 days.

I am peopled-out – I have had meetings that have overloaded me. I am trying to find silence (and prayer) between meetings rather than trying to fit the meetings into the time I have between silence (and prayer). I have had no time to sit. And when I sit, I think about the meetings or what I need to do. I am not sleeping well, maybe due to the weather. Nightmares and weird vivid dreams. I have had way too much sugar and am not eating well.

I would like a certain amount of anonymity but my ego is so big that I also would like a certain amount of fame. Or, in a less negative way, what if God has given me something to say? Experience teaches me that periods of depression are connected with deep insights. And that is happening.

So there you have it: my solitary life.

here and now

What’s your dream job?

Oh wow! This one I will answer. As Fat Boy Slim said, “Right here and right now”.

I am very happy where I am right now. I am not sure if it is a job or a calling?! But my life at the moment is pretty great. For the first time in my life, I am not waiting for a better day or waiting on another person. I am simply me right now.

I am trying to be content with “right now”. Sometimes I long for a past that I cannot make into a present; sometimes I wish for a future that is not yet nor may ever be. The reality is that I am still working on my mental health, my relationships, and my sense of “me”. But I have a context. Kierkegaard considers monasticism an “existential stance” – I guess that about says it all.

books, books, and more books

So I am going to limit myself to only purchasing books every second month. I have gone crazy with book purchases recently!

I am not sure what it is about books that attracts me so much. Yes, the feel and smell. But I think it is the possibility of information and insight. The connection with another person outside of time and space. Maybe it is just very self-centred?

So hot today that I cannot think!

now what?

In what ways do you communicate online?

To be honest, I am a social media “watcher”. I like to see what other people are doing rather than “do” myself. I have Instagram, Facebook, TikTok. But I watch more than I add to the conversation. And, TikTok makes me laugh!

I have this blog. It is more like a journal than any attempt to communicate. The blog itself – the “stuff” behind the scene – serves a purpose in my life rather than the “information” (what does that mean?) that it communicates. BTW: I have changed the URL of the blog!

I am, however, planning a podcast: now what? Once I get over my self-doubt and confusion – should someone claiming to live a solitary life have a podcast? – I hope to record regularly. I have nothing to say but I think that the process itself will be helpful for me.

So there you have it!

and the crowd goes wild

Come up with a crazy business idea.

So here is my idea: I pay people to come to a stadium until it is full (huge stadium!). Other people then pay me for them to go into the middle and get celebrated by the whole stadium. People can play their favourite sport or be their favourite celebrity. I would call it “and the crowd goes wild”.

skepticism

Skepticism arises from our desire to know without the self being transformed. Ironically skepticism is but the result of our anxious desire to secure certainty by being “at home in the world.”

Harvey. Skepticism, Relativism, and Religious Knowledge