I just wanted to check the AI block that WordPress introduced. So the above, as it says, is a “hermit in the forest”.
AI image
Personal
pasta
What’s your favorite thing to cook?
I do like cooking. And, if I have a choice, I like to cook pasta. Creamy sauces do not agree with my stomach – I am lactose intolerant. But every other pasta is okay with me.
So spaghetti bolognese or any gnocchi with a spicy sauce. I like cooking those because I like eating them. Actually writing this makes me hungry for some.
Day 100
Today is 100 days in The Anchorage. It has been strange at times. And often I wonder what I am doing here. But it has been spiritually rewarding. Mass today was magnificent with a great sermon. And Jesus is present!!!!!
The image above is a crucifix that I have carried with me.
the luxury of silence
What do you enjoy doing most in your leisure time?
What is “leisure time”? The absolute beauty of my life is that it is filled with the luxury of silence. Not silence in the absence of noise. But silence is a personal choice to be in the presence of Jesus. So everything I do is done in the presence of Jesus – in the luxury of silence.
The solitary life – however it is defined – is about that luxury. It is the presence of Jesus.
existence?
He who created us without our help will not save us without our consent.
Augustine of Hippo
I struggle with feeling I need to justify my existence. In the process, I give power to other people – other people influence and change the way I act and the choices I make.
God, who created me, has made a choice for me to exist. That is love. No justification (of my existence) is needed!
crisis 1
I know this will be the first of many but, yes, crisis time: what on earth am I doing here? It has only taken 96 days.
I am peopled-out – I have had meetings that have overloaded me. I am trying to find silence (and prayer) between meetings rather than trying to fit the meetings into the time I have between silence (and prayer). I have had no time to sit. And when I sit, I think about the meetings or what I need to do. I am not sleeping well, maybe due to the weather. Nightmares and weird vivid dreams. I have had way too much sugar and am not eating well.
I would like a certain amount of anonymity but my ego is so big that I also would like a certain amount of fame. Or, in a less negative way, what if God has given me something to say? Experience teaches me that periods of depression are connected with deep insights. And that is happening.
So there you have it: my solitary life.
here and now
What’s your dream job?
Oh wow! This one I will answer. As Fat Boy Slim said, “Right here and right now”.
I am very happy where I am right now. I am not sure if it is a job or a calling?! But my life at the moment is pretty great. For the first time in my life, I am not waiting for a better day or waiting on another person. I am simply me right now.
I am trying to be content with “right now”. Sometimes I long for a past that I cannot make into a present; sometimes I wish for a future that is not yet nor may ever be. The reality is that I am still working on my mental health, my relationships, and my sense of “me”. But I have a context. Kierkegaard considers monasticism an “existential stance” – I guess that about says it all.
now what?
In what ways do you communicate online?
To be honest, I am a social media “watcher”. I like to see what other people are doing rather than “do” myself. I have Instagram, Facebook, TikTok. But I watch more than I add to the conversation. And, TikTok makes me laugh!
I have this blog. It is more like a journal than any attempt to communicate. The blog itself – the “stuff” behind the scene – serves a purpose in my life rather than the “information” (what does that mean?) that it communicates. BTW: I have changed the URL of the blog!
I am, however, planning a podcast: now what? Once I get over my self-doubt and confusion – should someone claiming to live a solitary life have a podcast? – I hope to record regularly. I have nothing to say but I think that the process itself will be helpful for me.
So there you have it!
and the crowd goes wild
Come up with a crazy business idea.
So here is my idea: I pay people to come to a stadium until it is full (huge stadium!). Other people then pay me for them to go into the middle and get celebrated by the whole stadium. People can play their favourite sport or be their favourite celebrity. I would call it “and the crowd goes wild”.
Presence
What is the greatest gift someone could give you?
By choice, I live alone. It is not misanthropy. It is a choice to be with Jesus. Yet, I do talk and interact with people. This is not an invasion of my “aloneness”. It is part of being alone with Jesus.
So the greatest gift that I can give to someone is my presence. That does not mean being “present” with someone but being present for someone. So I guess the greatest gift someone could give me is their presence. Not seeing me as “objective characteristics” that offer pre-conscienced ideas. But seeing me, listening to me, being present for me. That presence is not physical but always personal.
And, yes, that is Jesus. He offers me his presence! Not always with answers or solutions. Sometimes just hold my hand. And Jesus is polite – he will not force his presence on me. A simple act of surrender – of placing myself in his presence. The Cloud of Unknowning puts it this way, “Trying is my desire”. Kierkegaard speaks of faith as resolution.
my solitary life 