I think the answer is pretty simple for me – feeling sad. It is still a regular part of my life. Not a part I rejoice in or celebrate. But it is part of me. To be honest, it helps when I have a solid plan for each day. Maybe what I could do less of is define myself by other people and what they expect of me? Or, maybe, I could stop feeling things so deeply?
Yes, I take medication. But the medication is not the answer – it only stops it from bubbling to the surface where it becomes uncontrollable. I have a general feeling of uselessness and being a “third wheel”. I no longer think about ending it. That is a positive!
I cannot change others, I can only change myself. So this is my problem and not someone else’s. I can try to escape into the arms of other people and hope they can fix it. But I have tried that and it was a disaster. I keep saying that everything will become clear but to be honest, I no longer believe that.
Sorry that is a little bit of a downer first thing. It is a positive that I know what my negative is?!