I wrote this a couple of days ago. I have not had the energy to publish – I have struggled to get out of bed for the last two days. Now I have a headache (again) and feel completely overwhelmed! I have done the things I need to for today but I have not said the Office. But I wanted to publish something today.

I was reflecting on this past week and what it has meant for me.

Sunday I preached. I would very much like to do more, but that is beyond my control. Somehow it is part of my vocation. How that will work out I am not sure?! In one sense it is the “future” for me which is not clear at the moment.

But there is always the past. I need to get control in the sense that I need to get it straight in my head and heart. I have had some battles to fight, which I hope are over, and so I can get back to the heartbreak. The past has this incredible pull on my life.

I feel overwhelmed. I have gone back a year. I feel stuck.