I was thinking, during the night, about my experience of time. When I am running late for something, it races. When I am waiting for something, it drags. Time does not change, my experience of it does.
So I was thinking about meditation and how, at times, it can drag. And why? For me, the silence becomes overwhelming when I think of something I have to do. I want to get up and do it straight away. So I start planning in my head what I have to do, when and how I will do it. And then the process becomes one of waiting for the bell to give me the freedom to “do”.
The other side of meditation, for me, is the moment of quiet and peace. It is for these moments that I persist. It is the now that continues into eternity. A moment with Jesus. These moments are often short but my experience of them is very different. And this experience of Jesus, of the now in eternity, is why I persist. I do not seek freedom to “do” but simply want to remain – I want to be with Jesus.
Anyway, an uphill day ahead. Already struggling with life and just more of the same to heap on top.