This morning I was thinking that living with depression is like Sisyphus. I have no idea how he felt walking down the hill, returning to the boulder that nearly made it to the top. I know what depression feels like for me: everyday life is a struggle to get to some balance only for the boulder to slip and end up at the bottom again.
I now see the signs in my own life. I do things to try to balance my thinking. But I know what is coming. The “up” is great – creative, involved, interested. Then comes the realisation that the boulder is about to roll back down. And the cycle starts again.
I do not know if I should be “happy” that I now see it. I feel that through the counseling I can step outside myself and recognise the emotions. I know that I am not the emotions and I am not my story. I am “me”. And this “me” needs to live with Jesus Now!
I am struck by how the Psalmist really speaks to my depression. The Psalms describe the physical as well as the emotional side. And they become my prayer when I cannot pray. My context gives meaning to the words.